i've forgotten what makes me happy.
life is getting thrown in my face, and i don't know if it's karma or if i'm just over reacting.
i'm not one to be all optimistic and confident about everything, but i'm trying so so hard.
every day feels like a week, and a weeks feels like years.
everything is a blur, a mess, a mix up.
i don't feel like i belong, anywhere.
i'm living to exist, but it doesn't really feel like it right now.
to exist right now, hardly feels like living.
i start year 12 in a couple of days, and i'm absolutely petrified.
i have two friends who i can rely on for anything, and a boy friend, who as close as i feel to him, i still feel so distant.
i wake up every day, get up and go outside. but i still feel like i'm stuck in bed with the lights turned low.
another year has gone by, and i have absolutely nothing to show for it.
i see people with talent, and adventure under their wings. stories to tell their future grandkids.
i want that. and all i can think about is how pathetic i am, and how useless i am to this world because i'm just sitting here writting about how pathetic i am rather than to suck it in and really try and build up my confidence to go out there and do something about it all.
all my life i've been treated as an adult, and irrelevant of the 'adventures' my family and i take part in now-a-days, it doesn't give back my childhood. the part that i'm meant to cherish the most.
this isn't a phase, this is my life. i guess i should learn to embrace it now, because it's all i'm going to have.
< / rant >
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