#184

i cant help but get emotional when i hear this song.

#183

last night, was amazing.
i love my boyfriend, so much.

#182

| thiswrittingisjustherebecauseican'tclickspaceandeaveagapl.thiswrittingisjustherebecauseican'tclickspaceandeaveagap|

this much.

#181

this is, adorable.

#180

i can't decide if i like the acoustic, better than the original. :/


// i've decided, the original is much better.
i don't even know how, or why i would even doubt that in the first place! aha.

#179

#178

#177

things you may not know about me:
1. i have an unhealthy obsession with icarly, john mayer and max bemis,
2. i want to collect all of dr suess' books, i think he is amazing.
3. no matter what colour i dye my hair, it always goes red.
4. i won't do anything unless it's written in a list.
5. i love disney movies.
6. Shakespeares works are incredible.
7. i was born with a 'strawberry patch' on my left thigh,.
8. i played piano for 8 years, or something.
9. i used to take singing lessons with jimmy barnes' niece, mariah.
10. i love 'let them eat cake', 'fallen', and 'ranked' magazines.
11. i want to secretly save up money so i can take Reece to Seattle one day.
12. i like getting piercings, and going on crazy rollercoasters for the thrill of it.
13. i write a lot of letters to people, but never send them, or give them to them.
14. i have one leg shorter than the other.
15. i tend to sit down a lot in the shower.
16. i'm quite the pessimistic.
17. i'm a quitter.
18. i collect too many little things that hold memories.
19. i like the smell of old second handbooks, and hairdresser spray bottle water.
20. i'll write more later..

#176

Dear Reece,

Love Bianca.

#175

:)

#174

<.rant>
i've forgotten what makes me happy.
life is getting thrown in my face, and i don't know if it's karma or if i'm just over reacting.
i'm not one to be all optimistic and confident about everything, but i'm trying so so hard.
every day feels like a week, and a weeks feels like years.
everything is a blur, a mess, a mix up.
i don't feel like i belong, anywhere.
i'm living to exist, but it doesn't really feel like it right now.
to exist right now, hardly feels like living.
i start year 12 in a couple of days, and i'm absolutely petrified.
i have two friends who i can rely on for anything, and a boy friend, who as close as i feel to him, i still feel so distant.
i wake up every day, get up and go outside. but i still feel like i'm stuck in bed with the lights turned low.
another year has gone by, and i have absolutely nothing to show for it.
i see people with talent, and adventure under their wings. stories to tell their future grandkids.
i want that. and all i can think about is how pathetic i am, and how useless i am to this world because i'm just sitting here writting about how pathetic i am rather than to suck it in and really try and build up my confidence to go out there and do something about it all.
all my life i've been treated as an adult, and irrelevant of the 'adventures' my family and i take part in now-a-days, it doesn't give back my childhood. the part that i'm meant to cherish the most.
this isn't a phase, this is my life. i guess i should learn to embrace it now, because it's all i'm going to have.
< / rant >

#173

I'd like to think that I believe in everything until it's proven.
I believe in fairies and dragons. Unicorns and mermaids.
Angels and ghosts, Santa and the Easter bunny.

Glitter is magic dust for the young and naivé.
Dreams come true if you have belief and faith.
Chocolate is for the broken hearted, and clicking your heals makes you
fly.
Happy endings happen to those who live for Walt Disney.
And music is for the soul, to live in a way in which we cannot.

Pain is nothing but a state of mind, and happiness really is where ever you want it to be.
Dandy Lions and eye lashes were the only way our wishes would come true.

i don't know, i guess i just wish i could go back to the simple days.
hskjlfnslfksn.

#172

i surrender, i surrender.

#171

I WANT THEM.

#170

#169

I think I just had an epiphany ...
will most definitely blog regarding it later.

#168

Dear Jenna,
This is just a note to let you know that I hate time zones.
The world should just have one time thingamajiggy and that's it.
Then you and I could always talk, instead of you signing online, and me having to go, visa versa.
You know I love you dearly, but I hate that we're so far apart.

yours sincerly, Bianca xo

#167

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

#166

i don't think anyone realises how excited i am to see paramore this year.
it was the same feeling i had this same time last year about say anything, but for some reason that didn't kick in until i saw beautiful max up there on stage, then the tears started to flow.
but, just listening to paramore now, i can feel the build up of salty liquid within my tear ducts, its an amazing feeling. i honestly cannot wait. oh my god.

#165

i love how happiness can be caught in a photograph.
i hate how it doesn't last forever,

#164

#163

come on, come on. get up, get up.
get, up. go. i won't let you fall again.

#162

i want a brita.

#161

my heart, on the other side of the world.



i can't wait 'till we collide, my dear.

#160

#159

can i really go on like this?

#158

wow.

#157

I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I'M GOING TO TAKE MORE SCREEN SHOTS OF THE *awesome* WEBSITES I GO ON.
:3

#156

no matter what, she makes everything better.

#155

last night, was one of the best nights i think i've ever had.

#154

tip of the tongue, teeth in the lips.
tip of the tongue, teeth in the lips.
tip of the tongue, teeth in the lips.
tip of the tongue, teeth in the lips.
tip of the tongue, teeth in the lips.
tip of the tongue, teeth in the lips.

#153

shit, is so totally fucked up.
praise, brudda

#152

I have learnt more from Sesame Street than from all my 15 years of schooling.

#151

Put down that cigarette
My hearts not eating yet
Put down that cigarette

Please don't turn away
I don't have much to say
Say it anyway

Ooh
Forever burning
Within the heart of the one is searching
Ooh
Forever waiting
Why should I come if it's all just fading

Put down that needle now
I wanna live life underground
I'm here to pull you out

Please don't turn away
I don't have much to say
Say it anyway

Ooh
Forever burning
Within the heart of the one is searching
Ooh
Forever waiting
Why should I come if it's all just fading

If I could make you, make you
Go away!
If I could make you, make you do it
You gotta go away!
If I could make you, make you
You gotta go awa-y!
If I could make you, do it!

Ooh
Forever burning
Within the heart of the one is searching
Ooh
Forever waiting
Why should I come if it's all just fading

If I could make you, make you
Go away!
If I could make you, make you do it
You gotta go away!
If I could make you, make you
You gotta go awa-y!
If I could make you, do it!

#150

i've forgotten how to feel pretty.

#149

yeah, okay.
i don't know if i like it.
do i? don't i? do i? don't i? do i? don't i? do i? don't i? do i? don't i? do i? don't i? do i? don't i?

#148

alright, that's it.
im moving to tumblr, just for a bit.
i might return, i might not.
who knows. :)


but for now, ta ta dear.

#147

okay, so i woke up in a better mood today.
still a bit pessimistic though.
i really do wish my sister would put her volume down on her computer. i really really do want to save myself from possibly throwing her into a brick wall or something maybe?
anyway, i was reading over my posts from last night, and boy oh boy was i angry.
i guess it's for a good reason, but still- i should probably keep this one to myself.
so, im just going to cover up what i wrote with a bit of 'bsdjfkns' and 'xoxo, gossip girl' so that you'll never know.
just ignore everything i wrote. kthnxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

#146

my brother is having a full of conversation with himself in his sleep.
i would record it, but i don't think i will.
this is just too cute, i want to remember this myself.

#145

this song has always meant a lot to me.

#144

hxnklfjsdlgns;lmngs;hns

#143

HOW ARE YOU NOT HEARING ME!

#142

this shit is fucking brutal.

#141

xoxo, gossip girl

#140

livelavalive, forever.

#139

(L)_(L)
My eyes shut and head faced down
Sick, hurt, turned upside down
Was this worth the waiting
In the past when I was living it up
And now I'm broken up screaming how I'm so sorry
Just show me this once (2x)
And would you show me a sign and I'll decide
If you are real for me
Brave man seeks through dark alleys
Without love his spawn arrives
I see that I am so sorry
Please just forgive me for taking lives
Is this real
I can feel it but I can't see it (2x)

Can't seem to explain the speed of my heartbeat
Can't help but smile can't help but stay for a while
I am so lost without you
Why everytime I run your there
You end up right there behind me
Were not alone
It's not mine

#138

wow.

#137

i love you mr reece john heffernan.

ps. don't get angry cause i didn't use capitals.
i couldn't be bothered cause i'm holding the phone to my ear with one hand whilst talking to you, and typing with the other. as you would know, i cannot in the slightest multitask. so, i apologise.

pps. i love you. :)

#136

My ship went down
In a sea of sound
When I woke up alone
I had everything
A hand full of moments
I wished I could change
and a tounge like a nightmare
That cut like a blade
In a city of fools
I was careful and cool
but they tore me apart like a hurricane
A hand full of moments
I wished I could change
but I was carried away

Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy you were never a friend to me
and you can keep all your misery

My lungs gave out
as I faced the crowd
I think that keeping this up can be dangerous
I'm flesh and bone
I'm a rolling stone
And the experts say I'm delirious

Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy you were never a friend to me
and you can take back your misery

Arrogent boy
love yourself so no one has to
They're better off without you
(They're better off without you)
Arrogent boy
Cause a scene like your supposed to
They'll fall asleep without you
You're lucky if your memory remains

Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy you were never a friend to me
You can take back your misery
Therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy you were never a friend to me
and you can choke on your misery

#135

fuck, they did it again.
amazing.

#134

for once in my life, i actually did something for me
to make me feel good about myself, to feel and know that i don't need peoples permission to do something for myself.
it felt so invigorating, and just, i don't even know how to describe what i felt.
i did it for the simple reason to remember who i am, and what i want from life.
what i did may be stupid and pathetic to some, but it's the closest thing i could've gotten to no one being able to see it.
because this is for me, not for you or anyone else.
it was amazing how the opportunity just arose, right at a time when i needed the most, to reassure myself.

and now, it's being taken away from me.
like everything else i have.

so once again, i'm back to asking myself 'who am i?'
cause i honestly wouldn't have a clue.

#133

act your fucking age, not your shoe size.
for fucks sake.

#132

I can't make my own decisions
Or make any with precision
Well maybe you should tie me up
So i don't go where you don't want me
You say that i've been changing
That i'm not just simply Ageing
Well how could that be logical?
Just keep on craming ideas down my throat
Woah

You don't have to believe me
But the way I, way I see it
Next time you point a finger i might have to bend it back
And break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger i'll point you to the mirror

If Gods the game that you're playing
Well we must get more aquainted
Because it has to be so lonely to be the only one who's holy
It's just my humble opinion but it's one that i believe in
You don't deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you
Woah

You don't have to believe me
But the way i, way i see it
Next time you point a finger i might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger i'll point you to the mirror

This is the last second chance
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm half as good as it gets
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm on both sides of the fence
(I'll point you to the mirror)
Without a hint of regret i'll hold you to it

I know you don't believe me
But the way i, way i see it
Next time you point a finger i might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger i'll point you to the mirror

I know you won't believe me
But the way i, way i see it
Next time you point a finger i might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger i'll point you to the mirror.

paramore are so good. i can't wait for soundwave.

#131

so i just got back from the beach.

i kinda wondered off by myself for a bit, as i usually do.
i just sat for ages, thinking. about everything.
i mean, what else is there to do at a deserted beach?
anyway, i was sitting there and i had planned out like, three different kinds of blogs to write.
i kept saying them over and over in my head, because i knew i was going to forget them.
now i sit here, at my computer, with no recollection of what i was thinking. all i remember is little points here and there. like how when i draw lines in the sand, and the ocean comes up and washes it away, but the sand still maintains that slight ripple in itself, how that's sort of a metaphor for how no matter how hard we try to make a difference to ourselves, or in a community, it won't have a big enough impact to make everyone you want see it. just a few people that you don't even know. another was something like how when we're standing in the ocean, and the waves come flying towards us, it hits us. we change that wave for a split moment. it breaks apart to go around us. it made me think that sometimes when there's a problem or something that you know there's no way in hell you can avoid, you just need to let it hit you, because sooner or later, it's going to be okay. and everything's going to be back to normal, well as normal as normal as can. i don't know, i guess when i'm driving around later it'll hit me then i'll come back to write it, and i'll forget it again.
dammit, where's my note book!

#130

with this group of kids, there is never a dull moment.
no matter the period of time that we don't hang out, or talk- as soon as we're together again, it's like we never parted in the first place.
this is the kind of definition i would give for the title 'best friends', nothing else.
we're like the modern F.R.I.E.N.D.S, beat that.
a team, i love you guys.

#129

When i was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And cursed at the wind
He broke his own heart
And i watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that i promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darlin,
You, are, the only exception
But, you, are, the only exception
But, you, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe i know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And i've always lived like this
Keeping it comfortable, distance
And up until now
I'd sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk, but

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know your leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Oh

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing.
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing.

#128

my eyes are so weary. all i want is sleep. to nap all day, every day.
to get lost in that little dream world i create every night.
i close my eyes so tight, that's where reality is for me. in my dreams.
things are so perfect there. things are the way i wish for them to be.
i can create or cut a character at any point, make a circumstance arise at any time or not.
whatever i says go, no one can have an influence, or change what i'm doing, what i'm saying.
it's all me, no one else.
i'm like god, in my own little movie. except it's not, it's reality. in my mind.
my little slice of heaven, to carry around in my back pocket.

#127

now that's cute!

#126

If it's not real, you can't hold it in your hand.
Or feel it with your heart.
And i won't believe it, but if it's true
you can see it with your eyes, or even in the dark.
And thats where I want to be, yeah.

#125

http://love146.org
www.freerice.com
www.tomsshoes.com

#124

just look out, and dream. fantasize. explore the world in your seat, through your eyes.
imagine the world the way you want it to be, and that's all it will ever be. through your eyes.

#123

#122

#121

if only the nights weren't so cold.

#120

i need you so much closer.

#119

#118

Where have you been all day?
Ive been a mess. In a box, in a fix, in a trap, and I gotta get outta it.
Seems like its been to long, since yesterday.
What I need is a fix, or a cure, or your lips to take my pain away.
Im just a name, Im just a name to a face.
But you know this face so well. Oh yeah, you know this face so well.
But darling darling
I want you closer, closer. I want you closer, closer.
I want you closer.
Weve been out for days and days trying to see this town,
The way we thought that it could make it appear.
Its getting colder now, the lights are turning low and I want you more than near.
I want you closer, closer. I want you closer, closer.
I want you closer.
Seem like its been to long, since yesterday.
What I need is a fix, or a cure, or a kiss, or a smile, or this day, or just you to take the pain away.


I love you, Jenna.

#117

#116

i.
am.
so.
lost.

#115

i honestly cannot even begin to describe how fucking scared to death i am.

#114

it's hard to believe i wrote that.