#194

last night was one of the most invigorating moments of my life.
i let loose.

i actually, let loose.

like a fucking animal.
i am my own person, me. me, me, me.
i have my girls, even though they're probably just a passing phase.
but i don't care, i still have them.
the days for work, and the nights to live.
that's my new motto, i reckon.
last night, was the most- craziest night ever.
and i was the only person who was actually completely wasted.
all this stress was for nothing.
being forced to grow up so fast- i'm not you.
the reason i'm like this, is because of you. i see that now.
i'm only 17 years old. not 18, going on 30.
let me work, let me play. let me live, for frick'sake.
i don't want my own house. i don't want to think about kids, and marriage.
i want to think about what assignment is due next, or what night would suit all the girls for an amazing movie night.


i need you to understand this.
and i know, aha- that i am more than likely actually talking to myself, you're going to find this out sooner or later.
and i need you to accept my decision. because this, this is my decision.

if you feel the way you say you feel about me, you will let me go so i can actually pass year 12 without getting a receding hair line, or a complete bald spot.
go out - do whatever you want. you need to. do it for me, if that's what's going to make you go out and do something rather than sitting in your bed being all pathetic and crap.

i am, the way i am, because this is the way i was brought up.
to become my own person, when i want to become my own person.
all this pressure, 'from school' is because i feel as if i have to pass every single subject with flyyyying colours, so i can get to uni, and for-fill your life plan.


'Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition..'