#214

life's fine when i avoid anything and everything to do with you.
but it's not that easy.
i can't help but to read your letter every night.
and to lie like you used to on my bed.
i can't help but to stand in front of the mirror and fix my hair the way you used to.
i can't listen to anything without it reminding me of you in some way.
i can't watch any movies, because that's all we used to do.
i can't eat kinder surprises, or burb then giggle.
i have no one to stare at while their driving, tapping on the steering wheel and singing.
i have no one who tells me to shut up then smothers me with kisses.
no more play fights, or yelling at each other just so we can cuddle.
no more teaching me to play weird little computer games, or poking tongues out at each other.
no more pretending to be interested in so many things just so i can get you to talk about them.
no more me helping you decifer colours.
no more school emails, or random drives.
no more nights of doing nothing.
no more, anything.
i guess i should just get over it, but i can't.
promises will always mean nothing to me now.
but then again, it may just be an excuse so i have a reason to be angry at you.

but, you've already moved on.
and that's okay. there's no use in crying over spilt milk.

time to move on bianca.
find a distraction.
or just, feel sorry for yourself.
either way is fine, for now.

#213

WOO, SOUNDWAVE '10

#212

I am so excited for tomorrow.
like, o-m-g

#211

#210

Dear Maxim Adam Bemis,

I know I forgot about you for a while,
that's only because I thought I had found my own little mini version of you.
Which kept me quiet content for some time, but it's just not the same.
I miss you, Maxie.
I promise to never let you down again.
I still have photos of you up in my locker at school, and in my wallet- so you're always close by whenever I need you.

I love you, Max.
Thank you for making my life worth it, for the most part.
You make me see that through no matter what, there will always be something more than what you could have ever dreamt for- as long as you wait.

Love, your number one fan;
Bianca.

#209

oh mylanta, you are my ..man.

#208

Driving off through the downtown streets
I am all alone with my allergies
The night grows cold and I think of her
Like it helps at all when the music dies
And the song on the radio reminds me of her
And in my head, my mind goes back to a moment lost
A flashback scene from before the fall, before it was over too soon
Of upper arms, and auburn hair and the smell of her that filled the air
The car goes on, a bullet of thundering loss
And the song on the radio reminds me of her and it goes
'Sugarpie honeybunch, I don’t want to lose you and I can’t help myself I love you
And nobody else will do.'

#207

i've hit rock bottom, without a parachute.
and, i miss you now, more than ever.

#206

deja entendu.

sometimes i feel as if i have already lived this life a thousand times before.

#205

i thought this looked pretty awesome.

#204

#203

#202

#201

this pain is worse than the last.
get up, get out. do it, bianca.
do it. do it.

#200

Each sporadic time I see you,
I get lost in your embrace,
Your embrace is just a greeting,
But I hold you none the less
It's all I have, and I'm dying for this.

Dearest Dulcinea when your heart's already full,
Where does that leave all the love I have?

I still see your face, you're safe in my sleep again
(I'm starving for you, but you will never know)
I still see your face, you're safe in my sleep again
(I'm starving for you, but you will never know)

I'd like to hope
But I'm cut to the bone
Let confirmation die and break this engagement
Is it your fault?

I still see your face, you're safe in my sleep again
(I'm starving for you, but you will never know)
I still see your face, you're safe in my sleep again
(I'm starving for you, but you will never know)

To put it simply
My heart is racing unobserved
You'll never know.

As your world keeps turning
As your world keeps turning

I can see you bathed in golden light
The rays a final dawn
Touching you in ways I never could and you're exalted

I still see your face, you're safe in my sleep again
(I'm starving for you, but you will never know)
I still see your face, you're safe in my sleep again
(I'm starving for you, but you will never know)
I still see your face, you're safe in my sleep again
I still see your face, you're safe in my sleep again.

nergh.

#199

i really wish i could fucking throw my sisters speakers at her head.
then she will have a permanent ringing in her ears, just like i do.

#198

#197

JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW
UH, SOUNDWAVE IS IN 6 DAYS!
YEAH, KTHNX!

#196

#195

11:11pm.
i miss you.

#194

last night was one of the most invigorating moments of my life.
i let loose.

i actually, let loose.

like a fucking animal.
i am my own person, me. me, me, me.
i have my girls, even though they're probably just a passing phase.
but i don't care, i still have them.
the days for work, and the nights to live.
that's my new motto, i reckon.
last night, was the most- craziest night ever.
and i was the only person who was actually completely wasted.
all this stress was for nothing.
being forced to grow up so fast- i'm not you.
the reason i'm like this, is because of you. i see that now.
i'm only 17 years old. not 18, going on 30.
let me work, let me play. let me live, for frick'sake.
i don't want my own house. i don't want to think about kids, and marriage.
i want to think about what assignment is due next, or what night would suit all the girls for an amazing movie night.


i need you to understand this.
and i know, aha- that i am more than likely actually talking to myself, you're going to find this out sooner or later.
and i need you to accept my decision. because this, this is my decision.

if you feel the way you say you feel about me, you will let me go so i can actually pass year 12 without getting a receding hair line, or a complete bald spot.
go out - do whatever you want. you need to. do it for me, if that's what's going to make you go out and do something rather than sitting in your bed being all pathetic and crap.

i am, the way i am, because this is the way i was brought up.
to become my own person, when i want to become my own person.
all this pressure, 'from school' is because i feel as if i have to pass every single subject with flyyyying colours, so i can get to uni, and for-fill your life plan.


'Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition..'

#193

Holy fucking shit.
I'm going to John Mayer.
This is, amazing.
I can't even breathe. Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.

#192

my old blogs were actually kinda good!
what's happened to me? ahha.
deary meeee.

#191

Loose lips might sink ships
But loose gooses take trips
To San Francisco, double dutch disco,
Tech. TV hottie, do it for scottie
Do it for the living and do it for the dead
Do it for the monsters under your bed
Do it for the teenagers and do it for your mom
Broken hearts hurt but they make us strong and

[We won't stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we'll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened X 2]

We're just dancing, we're just hugging,
Singing, screaming, kissing, tugging
On the sleeve of how it used to be
How's it gonna be?
I'll drop kick Russell Stover, move into the starting over house
And now Matt Rouse and Jest are watching me achieve my dreams

And we'll pray, all damn day, every day,
That all this shit our president has got us in will go away
While we strive to figure out a way we can survive
These trying times without losing our minds

So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you
Call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead
Send me an IM, I'll be your friend

Shysters live from scheme to scheme and my 4th quarter pipe dreams
Are seeming more and more worth fighting for
So I'll curate some situations, make my job a big vacation
And I'll say fuck Bush and fuck this war
My war paint is Sharpie ink and I'll show you how much my shit stinks
And ask you what you think because your thoughts and words are powerful

They think we're disposable?
Well both my thumbs are opposable.
Spell that on a double word and triple letter score and

[We won't stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we'll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened X 4]

We're just dancing, we're just hugging,
Singing, screaming, kissing, tugging
On the sleeve of how it used to be

#190

I like the sound of the ocean. I like tea and honey, any time of the day. I like live music. I like the cabaret. I like musicals. I like dresses. I like finding shoes that match dresses. I like good photography. I like it when people tell me things I didn’t know about myself. I like people who smile. I like having fun without drinking. I like having fun while drinking. I like finding money in your pocket. I like eyelashes. I like people with green eyes. I like people who like to share things. I like sleeping in. I also like staying awake to watch the sunrise. I like long trips. I like history. I like other cultures. I like it when people tell me they miss me. I like being hugged. I like people with stories. I like nice surprises. I like exploring. I like poetry. I like waking up early just so I can talk to Jenna for a half an hour before school. I like my awkward personality. I like quotes that make you think. I like bargains. I like dancing badly. I like singing just as bad as my dancing. I like people who smell nice. I like holidays. I like people who aren’t afraid to be themselves. I like to use small, classy font. I like having cuddle nights with my --. I like knowing that I’m no more 'normal' than the person next to me, even though I feel like I shouldn't even be on this planet. I like that I’m lazy. I like waking up with the taste of my -- in my mouth, and his smell on my skin. I like the smell of old hardcover books. I like white ribbon. I like being indecisive about everything. I like knowing where I would like to be in ten years, but with no idea how to get there. I like that I still haven't found my calling. I like being a kid. I like being independent. I like being dependent. I like pretending to know it all. I like to do lists. I like lyrics and other people describe me better that I can. I like going for walks on the beach, but not the sand. I like winter, and spring. I like being stubborn and obnoxious. I like looking up to those I admire. I like when I go into overload, and start to freak out about every little thing. I like the fact that, without a doubt I’ll change my mind about my outfit before I go out. I like receiving 'I love you' messages when I wake up. I like wishing on 11:11 every night. I like to travel. I like being scared to grow up. I like that I leave things till the last minute. I like that I’m hypercritical and contradicting. I also like that I’m not. I like meeting new people. I like that I’m pretty easy to get along with. I like that I'm shy, and timid. I like that I’m loud and outgoing. I like having no idea who I am, or what I want from life.

#189

pull yourself together man.
look what you're doing.
/facepalm.

#188

You can do it, Bianca.

#187

listen.now.do.it.now.go.go.go.
http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/media/s2809393.htm

#186

#185

WHATEVER, TREVOR