#70

as of late, i can't really comprehend anything that's going on.
everything around me is nothing but a blur. my emotions; i can't even try to begin to decipher happiness from sadness.
life at the moment feels like one of those words that you write over and over again, thinking that you're spelling it wrong. when in actual fact, you just don't even recognise your own hand writing for a few moments.
day and night feel the same, but its like im dreaming when i'm awake, and in reality when asleep.
ha, if only. everything is meshed together, i can't even tell the difference between the sun and the moon, its like they're both hanging side by side 24/7.

i don't quite know how to handle any circumstance at the moment.
how to react to events, if my opinions are even my own, etc.

i find myself watching more movies, and listening to less music.
being able to lose myself for an hour or so, to imagine myself in anothers shoes.
their life planned out on paper, literally. then played for all to view.
to watch over and over again, at anyone's own free will.
to connect to a character, to an event, to be able to reply that time and time again, to find little things you didn't find last time you viewed it.
it makes you think of the little things in life that you realise now, but didn't at the time.
then you start to think up of things you could have said at the particular moment, to the person you where with.
emotions re-arise. anger forms, towards yourself-noone else. because you realise now, that you should have said something instead of shutting up and letting people walk over you like you have 'door matt' tattooed on your forehead.

to go out of your own way, to make others happy. i find enjoyment in that.
i would never ask for the same in return, nothing- but, maybe some appreciation?
to be able to know that someone actually realises what you've done, and is glad that you did.

i don't even know what i'm talking about.
lucky noone even reads these pathetic blogs, i 'write'.
mm, ha.